The People I Work With: Chapter 2 – @qbor Explained

I’m a passive-aggressive person. I make no bones about it. It’s not something that I’m going to put at the top of my resume or anything, but it is what it is.

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A few months ago, I created a Twitter account for my cube-mate. He doesn’t know about it. It’s basically a way for me to passive-aggressively express my distaste for him as a person without affecting my job and for me to direct my frustrations somewhere without anyone picking out that screenname and me accidentally calling them a disgusting stain on humanity.

Let me explain exactly why this guy bothers me so much.

His Voice

Yeah, I know there’s not a lot he can do about that and it’s pretty petty. He’s got a bellowing voice and a southern accent. Apparently, in Georgia, they don’t teach inside voices. If he worked down in the factory, it’d be fine. But we work in a sea of beige cubicles. It’s usually pretty quiet here and his voice seems to always be turned up to 11. When he’s on the phone talking to customers, vendors, etc., he feels the need to turn it up to 12 or, when he’s flustered, 13.  Since his desk is four feet from mine, I’m not a fan.


If he doesn’t get a chance to eat his yogurt when he gets in to work around 6am, rather than tossing the cup of Yoplait into the fridge until he gets a chance, he’ll leave it out on his desk and slurp it up around 1pm. Either he’s unaware or unconcerned with proper food safety. When he does eat it, he takes his plastic spoon and scrapes the inside of that cup until it, literally, screams. Have you ever heard yogurt cups scream? It’s terrible. It’s comparable to nails on chalkboards and silverware scratching on plates.

He’s the master of mouth-noises. He slurps his fruit cups, chews with his mouth open, and smacks. In passive-aggressive fashion, pre-@qbor days, I made a someecard about him. Ok, fine… two someecards.

Also, I know it’s not really my business, (but he freely talks about it a lot) this guy’s a diabetic. The crap he brings to his desk to eat everyday and talks about eating & drinking all the time are going to freakin’ kill him. I’m not an expert on diabetes, but I do know that certain foods have to either be banished or consume in moderation to regulate blood sugar and they’re not supposed to drink alcohol, because it’s basically sugar. This guy took almost a week off work a while back because, as it turns out, his blood sugar is constantly so high that when it was regulated to a “healthy” level, it was like when normal people are hypoglycemic.

Misc. Little Things

He clips his nails at his desk. This is not a beauty salon. It’s a corporate office for a global company. The bathroom is a

I couldnt bring myself to post a real picture of him, so I made this.

I couldn't bring myself to post a real picture of him, so I made this.

30 second walk from our cubicle.

He’s got a mondo sense of entitlement. He’s been here 20+ years and thinks that things should be handed to him and flips out when people mess with his chair.

He’s an interrupter. It doesn’t matter who it is or what’s going on, he’ll interrupt the shit out of you. My boss was in our cubicle telling me about a new project I was assigned to and this guy starts talking to my boss over our conversation, bitching about how someone kicked his meeting  out of a conference room for a big management meeting. I get the frustration that comes with that, especially since he wasn’t told until after the meeting was started. But interrupting a manager for something like that is obnoxious and rude.

The Kicker

This guy’s even an ass to his wife. He’d been working a TON of overtime trying to get a package of work confirmed for the organization. Thanks to that, he was able to have five layoff notices pulled. Five people got to keep their jobs because of his work. That’s nothing to laugh at. It’s awesome. Anyway… His wife wanted to spend time with him (why, I can’t say) so she asked if he could come home at his normal end-time one day so they could have the afternoon together. I’ve met her before and she’s super nice. But his answer to her was “I’ve been married to this job longer than I’ve been married to you.” Funny, right? Nope. He wasn’t kidding. There was not one ounce of sarcasm in that response.

I wonder if he’s going to regret saying things like that. See, his wife has MS. I’m not sure how advanced, but MS isn’t like diabetes. You can’t control it with diet and eventually, it’s going to get the better of her. I know if I were in his shoes, I’d make arrangements with my boss to leave at regular time one afternoon so he could spend time with her. Or I’d’ve at least not been such a dickface about my response.

Anyway, I hope this has shed some light on to who @qbor is. There are a few other things about him, but these are the main ones and my lunch is just about over.


~ by Mergan Fierce on July 13, 2009.

5 Responses to “The People I Work With: Chapter 2 – @qbor Explained”

  1. I don’t think I will ever get tired of listening to how horrible @qbor is. I wish I could meet him one day, if not but to just punch him in his yogurt slurping face.

  2. Goodness, even as a somewhat talented writer, I couldn’t come up with a character quite like him. It simultaneously cracks me the eff up and horrifies me to no end.

    Really, who clips their nails at work!?

    Then again, who flicks their bean at work?

    You work in a strange, strange place, my friend.

  3. he’s the worst!

  4. Hello, new reader here via 20SB, like your blog! @qbor sounds horrible, I hope I get to hear more about him!

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