Kids These Days…

For reasons unknown to myself, I was listening to the local KISS fm station, during the Ryan Seacrest show. One of the callers was trying to get advice regarding this “really, really great guy” she’s dating. She really loves him and says the relationship is headed in a great direction and she wants to marry him and blah blah blah. What she was seeking advice about was his kids. He’s got two kids and apparently they’re rude, disrespectful monsters and she wants to know how to broach the subject with him.

Personally, if I were in her shoes (read: crazy enough to date a guy who’s already got that kind of baggage kids), and his kids acted like that, it’d be a deal-breaker. It’s kind of like herpes. That shit is never going away. Like, ever. Kids are forever. If a guy’s got nasty kids, he may as well have some incurable STD, because they’re both reasons to forget that guy exists.

Nextly, every subsequent caller I heard said that this chick’s a bitch and that if they heard anyone say anything negative about their children, they’d have full-custody, etc.

I’ve dealt with enough kids in the recent past, that I know that these kids probably are brats to the max. I coached swimming for Kindergartners all the way up to high school seniors, so that’s a pretty wide cross-section. I’m not saying all kids are total monsters, but a lot are. A lot of parents these days want to be their kids’ friends, so when it comes to discipline, they totally fail. What happens, is their kids end up being the bosses and the parents fold to every demand the kids have. When the parents try to actually step up and parent, the kids don’t know what to do and typically react something like the picture to the right.

I can promise you right now. When hell freezes over and I do pop out babies, if they act like the kids that this lady is describing, then my husband and I will cease to have kids. It’ll be like the movie The Forgotten where people just stop existing. Only instead of the world being oblivious to these people’s missing kids and the parents try to figure out what happened, it’d be the opposite. I think the conversation would go something like this:

Friend: Hey, where are the kids?
Us: What kids?
Friend: Huh? Where are your kids? Are they at summer camp?
Us:Um… we don’t have kids.
Friend: Yes, you do. ____ and ____…?
Us:You mean Hamish and Trixie? They’re our dogs, not our kids. You’re not one of those people who considers your dogs your “kids”, are you?
Friend: Forget this, you guys are nuts.
Us(to each other):[high five] Yesssssssss!

I’m not saying kids shouldn’t have personality or be sassy, etc. But the parents need to teach them when it’s ok to do that and when it needs to be reigned in. Parents need to understand that their “perfect little angel” ain’t perfect and they need to be the disciplinarians when their kids step out of line. That’s what parenting is about. Making sure the person you’ve created ends up being a good person and not a complete fucking asshole.

To conclude, I’d like to close with a brief open letter to all the parents, grandparents, legal guardians, and future parents of the world,

Please stop caring if the kids in your custody want to be your buddy and focus on making sure they’re not complete fuckups when they get older. Kthxbai.

~ by Mergan Fierce on June 11, 2009.

3 Responses to “Kids These Days…”

  1. My dad was so affective in keeping us in line. When we would act out, he would either shoot us the eye, or pinch the base of our necks on our shoulder to get us to stop. We did not fuck off when we knew he was in a mood or aware. I can only hope he can give me a few pointers when I have kids.

    But, seriously, I won't raise spoiled little monsters. My kids will behave.

    I love how you write.

  2. After my mom told him how her dad always spanked the boys and made the girls answer for their actions, my dad always went with the "I'm so disappointed in you" route. It worked really well for a while, then he overused it. Now, 80% of the time all I hear is "wahwahwahwahwah" like Charlie Brown's teacher.

    And, thanks. It's mostly how I think, but spellchecked.

  3. I completely agree. (I was going to back this up, but I have nothing more to say than that.)

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