Help needed, plz.

•September 8, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I’m trying to get some sort of hit counter for my company’s internal website. I’ve looked up all kinds of code, but everything I’ve found is very difficult and confusing (would it kill these people to write it in plain fucking English?).

I’ve also tried Google Analytics, but the corporate powers said, “Ahem, this is not standard, so you can not use it.  Ease of use be damned!” To which I replied, “Fuck. What now?”

Which is where you come in.

I need your help figuring out how to create a basic counter. I liked that GA had the power to provide a zillion and nine kinds of detailed reports, but since that’s not an option, I just want to know how many people are checking our website.

I have a couple feelers out internally for help, but I’m not really counting on corporate IT to bother giving a shit long enough to help me out.

Any suggestions would be most helpful.



Best Videos On The Internet… For Now

•March 4, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I found all of these on Best Week Ever

Ok Go – This Too Shall Pass

Thanks for making me feel like crap for almost failing physics in high school, guys. Also, I want to be pulled into a wall of cardboard boxes, too.

MOAR under the cut

Continue reading ‘Best Videos On The Internet… For Now’

RIP Andrew Koenig, a.k.a. Boner

•February 25, 2010 • Leave a Comment

RIP Boner

Image via

Andrew Koenig, Boner from Growing Pains, had been missing since February 14, 2010.

This afternoon, his body was found in Vancouver, BC. His parents say he took his own life.

My condolences to his family. Rest in peace, Andrew.

If you feel like you might want to take your own life, please call 1 (800) Suicide. Any time. Day or night.

Suicide is not the answer.

Jury Duty? More like Jury Doody, amiright?

•February 24, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I’ve been called into jury duty for the next few weeks. I’ve never been called for jury duty before, so learning the process has been interesting. I was surprised that I was actually chosen for a trial my first go ’round. I was expecting to be kicked out and forced to return to work, but that’s what you get for expecting things, I guess. Anyway, I did get picked for a trial and while I’d like to tell you all about it, if I did, I’d have to kill you and I’d hate to have to take these nice pants to the dry cleaner.

I can, however, tell you about the people I saw.

  • There was one lady dressed, head to toe, in all lime green. Her coffee mug even had lime green on it. Schmance.
  • Another lady was round and wore her pants up to, literally, under her boobs. She’s older, so that wasn’t really surprising, except for the fact that if belt loop height was an Olympic event, she’d be a gold medal winner. Turns out, she’s on my jury and smells like old lady B.O., too. Great. Good thing she’s a nice lady. It’s easier to overlook that kind of thing with nice people. Moral of the story, don’t be a dick, and people won’t judge your flaws as harshly.
  • There’s another woman on my jury, who I thought was late 20s, early 30s, but, I guess isn’t, is on Facebook on her iPhone all. The. Time. when we’re in the jury room. Like, more than most teenagers I know. Beezarre.

Anyway, that’s about it  for now. More when I can actually spill good details.

Happy Birthday, Abe Vigoda!

•February 24, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Happy 89th birthday. I’m pretty sure you’re still alive.

Betty on SNL? Yes, Please!

•February 22, 2010 • 1 Comment

Betty White - HBIC

It looks like the Betty White to Host SNL (Please?) Facebook petition is working. Betty herself has said that if Lorne Michaels offered the gig to her, she’d gladly accept and there are rumors are circling that the deal is thisclose to being inked. Tina Fey, Molly Shannon, & Amy Poehler have already been asked if they’d participate, which has pissed off some people, including the fabulous Michael K over at Dlisted.

Now, I’m all for maximum Betty, however, as the lovely Courtney Enlow pointed out, maybe she didnt’ want to host by herself. She’s 88 years old, for cryin’ out loud. A week of whatever magic they do to make that show, plus dress rehersals AND a late night live performance is a tall order for someone in their 20s, much less an almost-90 year old. In addition, what if she asked Fey, Shannon & Poehler? Bwhizzle has been calling the shots since her Life with Elizabeth days, back when women had little-to-no say much of anything, forget about a whole tv show. I doubt Our Betty of Betties would let herself get steamrolled into something she wan’t totally cool with now.

Betty gets what Betty wants.

Happy Birthday, Slut

•February 21, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Happy Birthday, Rue

Happy 76th Birthday to Rue McClanahan!

Stay golden, girl.